God Answered

The other night I got upset with God. I cried, I (whisper) yelled, and I poured out my heart. . .

Why does God give such clear signs to people on how they can further his kingdom but every time I ask I get no answers?

How come I have such a fire but God won’t let me do anything with it?

Why won’t he give me words and tell me what to do FOR HIM when I ask?

What am I doing so wrong that He isn’t answering me?

I was tired, I was angry, and I was burned out. It felt like no matter how hard I tried, God wasn’t answering me. It felt like He didn’t want to use me to further his kingdom, an annoying thought, since I see and hear of people everyday who didn’t want to be used and were (or are being). Here I was, wanting to be used, wanting to do something great for the Lord, and he was leaving me hanging.

Not quite so.

Yesterday after class I was fiddling around on my computer, working on a couple designs, putting off my summer reading. Site after site I visited left me more angry and dejected. BarlowGirl is awesome, and God is using them in such amazing ways. And what is He giving me to do. . .nothing. Francis Chan was doing wonderful things at his church in Simi Valley AND THEN God sends him to Thailand. I also pulled up the Rebelution, probably one of the biggest heart-sinkers for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Rebelution SO MUCH. I love what it stands for, I love the books, what I have learned, and I love the encouragement it gives me that their are other kids out there fighting the same fight I am (modesty, purity, anti-lukewarmness, etc.). But it is realization that God gave them (Alex and Brett) this ridiculously amazing idea and now they are reaching thousands of teens and bringing others to Christ. It doesn’t help that they are only a couple of years older than me. I mean, if some 50-something married couple had started it would be more of a “I have a long way until 50, imagine what God can do with me before then.” But teenagers doing such amazing things? Heart-sinker.

I hope this isn’t read wrong. I am not looking at my life going “I wish I had more attention” or “I hate that others are doing things that I can’t do,” I have just been feeling like I have such a passion for the Lord and want to do His will, but he hasn’t been revealing anything to me, and it hurts to see God giving others these amazing opportunities to change the world for Him.

But then He did answer.

So, I was fiddling around on the computer. . .and I was browsing the articles on the Rebelution website and for some reason clicked on this article : Wherever You Are, Be There 100%. God doesn’t talk in “burning bushes” kind of way anymore (though He still could), He talks through internet articles. . .

I have been saying and hearing, probably for the past year that “I am in a time of preparation.” My little human brain didn’t pick up on preparation like the article described, the same preparation described in the parable of the talents. No, I thought I was preparing myself to hear what God was going to ask me to do. Find the logic in that.

I realized last night that I had been given “talents” (see what I did there ;)) and I was just waiting for some big sign on how to use them. It never dawned on me, until last night, that it wasn’t about some big opportunity, it is the little opportunities that prepare and demonstrate my faithfulness – and eventually I will find myself with the big opportunity to do something amazing for the Lord. It is all a journey; I just wasn’t seeing where I am at.

I know God didn’t bring me to this realization just last night without some bigger plan. Maybe, with all the months of patiently waiting for an answer, I learned how to be patient with God. I do know that not giving me an answer brought me closer to Him. I am the kind of person, where the more He didn’t answer the harder I pushed for that answer. And now I am seeing the joys and opportunities in my everyday life. God wasn’t giving me the words of evangelism when I asked because that is not what He wanted yet. God wasn’t giving me some big sign on what to do about church, college, and ministry because that is not what He wants yet.

I have found opportunities with my family, my friends, and my school that, because I was so focused on finding the big plan, that I didn’t realize were there. No, they aren’t big things, but they will:

1.) (hopefully) prove my faithfulness in the small (and big) things

2.) Give me a greater love for the place I am at right now

3.) Prepare me for the amazing things God has down the road

4.) Open my ears (finally) to hear what God is really asking me to do

Just thought I’d share part of my spiritual journey with you. I am so honored that God spoke to me. So what is God doing in YOUR life?